How I picked up a fight before it even started
Every now and then, there are days when I feel more irritated than usual. I don’t like to solely blame my hormones for this, but they do play a slight role in my sudden mood changes.
I don’t like myself like this. Although I’ve been dealing with PMS for quite a long period of time in my adult life, yet I occasionally find myself defeated.
According to the Office on Women’s Health of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, about 90% of women experience PMS symptoms. Some of those symptoms include: fatigue, irritability, changes in mood, decreased sex drive, tender breasts, bloating, cramping.
Source: https://www.womenshealth.gov/menstrual-cycle/premenstrual-syndrome
The day started rather promising. I had a blast of creativity, so I wrote another article, I went to a farmer’s market to buy some freshly made goods, and even managed to attend a small concert in a nearby church, promoting live classical music events in my area.
A volcano ready to erupt
When I got home, although still in good spirits, my mind started to bite me with intrusive thoughts about my partner. I started to feel like a volcano ready to erupt over something seemingly trivial. He was meant to do something, nothing big, but in my head, I made it a huge deal-breaker thing. I already made a plan for what I’m going to say when he’s back home and tells me he didn’t keep his small, insignificant promise. I picked a fight with my partner before he even could say a word. I was prepared to go to war. Just because!
“PMS leads to capacity loss of the individual (…)”
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3395966/
At this point, my coach, who uses the EFT technique, would say, “Shall we work on this with some tapping?” And that would be wise. But instead of listening to my rational side, I decided to unload all the guns when my partner finally had a chance to speak, in reality, not just in my head.
Normally, I would take it easy and, with understanding, accept his reasoning and suggested solutions. But the little devil inside me, who sticks his head out once a month and floods my body with fire and poison, wanted to have its say.
A lesson in responsibility: Owning your behavior
I’m grateful that my partner is really easy-going. Although he doesn’t quite understand these hormonal rollercoasters, especially when one month it’s intense, and the next is unnoticeable, he kindly asked me if I could warn him next time so he can mentally prepare.
I wish I could keep the promise, because sometimes it happens in a matter of minutes, as if the switch inside got turned on.
However, I spotted a pattern of why the PMS might be more intense: a stressful week beforehand, too much sugar, a lack of activity. This time, stress was a factor.
If I could relive that situation, I would behave completely differently. First of all, I would have known that picking fights, in the bigger picture, brings no benefits at all.
Secondly, our hormones shouldn’t dictate how we behave. With awareness, we should be able to choose how to behave and follow rational thoughts rather than creating destruction and chaos. It’s no good for anyone.
Research conducted between 1990 and 2001 and summarized in a 2008 study indicates that negative PMS experiences can be a crucial factor in a couple’s relationship satisfaction. For example, women who experience symptoms of PMS are more likely to report difficulties or dissatisfaction in their relationship. Source: https://psychcentral.com/blog/pms-relationships#effect-on-relationships
I like to believe that I can handle my PMS with understanding, care, and wisdom.
I wouldn’t appreciate my partner behaving the same way towards me, so why am I expecting him to be okay with my approach? After all, I am an adult. I also want to feel emotionally empowered and run the show, not allowing my small and childish ego to do it for me.
On the other hand, it is helpful when our partners can be supportive, not dismissive, during that time of the month. Usually, all I am asking is to be left alone and give me the space I need. If I want a hug or something, I will come over, but less talking is better.
From hormonal influence to empowered choices
If we are to be empowered, independent, and emotionally intelligent, then we might need to take responsibility for how we behave when PMS is just around the corner. There are a lot of coping strategies that can help us deal with mood swings and irritability. For example: exercising, a healthy diet, and mindfulness.
I understand that we, as women, are under the influence of our hormones. It’s not always pleasant, but it shouldn’t be an excuse to treat our partners or anyone in our surroundings like a punching bag. So next time before I pick up the fight in my head, I will first check whether creating the drama is worth it and that maybe a walk will work better for both me and my relationship.
